We Can't Seem To Let It Go!!

So I finally sent in the paperwork to Lutheran Services!! Not turning back now I guess:) We still have to get fingerprints, medical clearance, and driving record....but other than that it's all over but the crying! However, I have been so emotional lately when it comes to the fact that I cannot have another child with my husband. I just can't seem to let it go. Men are different from women as they have no biological clock. Mine doesn't tick....it's more like an alarm clock every morning that says, "What the hell are you doing? You can't give up now!!" So, do I listen to the clock and dig myself a deeper hole in this TTC world? Do I continue to hit the snooze button and ignore it? HELL NO!!! Jake and I discussed it and we want to get back to the place where there are no frozen dewars to deal with! Back to the way that the good lord intended. We are now going to have a re-do of Jake's Vasectomy Reversal!!!!! Whose excited? I am!! Shockingly he is too!! We are still going to foster with the hope of adopting though as those babies need forever homes!!

So I contacted a Dr. Wilson out of Oklahoma as he was very resonable in price and has a gaurantee!! However, he replied and it looks like we won't be going with him as our miracle worker:( He said that we will need a bypass surgeon and he does not perform these types of surgeries. He said that if he did the procedure the standard way, he would give us a 35% chance of conceiving. I DO NOT LIKE THOSE ODDS!! That's about the same odds that we would have with IVF! So, I then found another Dr. out of Texas that will perform the procedure at no extra charge!! He is also reasonable in price!! I will be contacting them later today if I can find the time. We will not be doing anything until Spring though, as I will be using my tax return to foot the bill. Plus Jake always slows down with work in the spring, so what better time to take a relaxing vacation to Texas for surgery??LOL!! I pray that this works for us as I am NOT A QUITTER!!!!

Operation Orientation Complete!!

So we had our orientation with Luther Family Services on November 5th. This of course happened to be the day before Jake was leaving for his big Deer Hunt of 2008 in Kentucky. So of course he's complaining that he has to attend a 3 hour meeting at 5:30PM the day before he leaves. So it shocked me when we got there and he asked questions!!!! I know, right?! Of course we had to watch a movie that looked like it had been made in the 80's and we both laughed all the way home!!! So that loghtened th emood a little bit!! It took all the strength I had not to bust a gut while we were watching it!! SOOO CHEEZY!! So fast forward to a week later when the deer slayer returns from his hunt to find out that I had ALL the paperwork filled out and there was only his part left. So, he looked at it and of couses tells me that he is NOT filling that out as it is too personal and they don't need to know EVERYTHING!! The plus side is that he seems VERY excited about adopting, the negative side is that he feels he doesn't need to cave for ANYTHING!! So, I have to call the social worker and see if she can let him slide on that one as technically I am going to be the foster parent....he kind of just lives here:) Don't get me wrong, he will be the best foster parent around...when he's here!! I'll touch base more when I get my ducks in a row!! OFF TO PLAY MONOPOLY:)

Where Can I Go To Buy Some Patience??

So here I sit on the day of my meeting with Lutheran Services. I can't help feeling like time has just stopped completely for me. I was excited on making the decision to move forward with adoption, but now it just seems like the process is going to take forever!!! I dread this meeting tonight as I know that the caseworker is going to see me as selfish and I don't blame her!! As I have said before, I only want to foster babies or toddlers as I will be first in line when parental rights are terminated. There are plenty of older children who need foster homes as well, but I just can't bring myself to take them. One of the main reasons for this is the horrible experience my sister in law had with fostering a ten year old. I know that most of the older children in the foster system have emotional or mental issues and I cannot take that on right now!!! If I open my home and heart to a toddler or infant, there will be more room to work with them in showing them affection, attention, and love. The older children have trust issues and some may never learn to trust again!! Another reason I would like a younger child is that I already have infants and toddlers in daycare so I am used to having them around. It's something that I enjoy and makes it that much more easier to stick to the same routine! (Must be the ADHD in me!!)

So, now the dealing with Jake part comes along!! He is leaving for his "Big Hunt" tomorrow so he chooses last night to pick his normal fight!! He doesn't want to attend this meeting on the eve of his departure as he thinks he has too much to do. (He's been packed for 2 weeks!) But, he will do it for me. The problem I have with this is that I want him to do something for him and not me! I'm so tired of hearing, "You always get what you want so what does it matter?" Or the famous, "I have sacraficed so much for you" REALLY?? What would that be? To which he has NO reply. Anyway, we worked it out for now but I am sure this won't be the last discussion on the matter. I have been told that we both have to attend training and he HATES anything that takes up more than a half hour of his time!! I told him we could postpone this meeting, but that is going to set me back 2 months as hunting season is upon us and won't be done until mid December. BLAH!!! He agreed to keep the meeting as it is but scheduling our training will be another heated issue! All I know is that the process to become licensed takes anywhere from 6-9 months and I have NO PATIENCE! So, if you could kindly direct me to the nearest patience store I would greatly appreciate it!!!!